So last night as the two kiddos and I crammed into the tub (scary thought, huh?) for a leisurely soak, I realized that I say some really stupid things.
Don’t make your little brother angry!!
- Why not? Is he going to turn into an ax-wielding monster. The thought makes me laugh. Those two teeth of his would fit perfectly into the face of a psychopath. Will he turn into the Incredible Hulk? If he was green maybe people would stop touching his head. I could tell them he has a contagious disease. Take that nosy old ladies at the supermarket!
Do you understand me?
- Does it matter? Even if the understood they’re not going to listen. They can bob their little heads and say ‘Undertsnad’, but the point is they don’t care what I say.
Don’t you dare!
- Again, what am I going to do? Put them in a timeout? Big Whoop. Timeout is the same as play time, you just have to face a wall for a couple seconds.
What were you thinking?
- Again, it doesn’t matter. With a limited vocabulary it’s really hard to express that you thought sticking your foreskin in the vacuum cleaner tube and then closing it would be fun. It’s also hard to explain that covering yourself in perfume, including open wounds, seemed like a good idea until you feel off the bathroom counter. And even if mama did understand you, she’d still be mad. A blank “pity me” stare works better.
Boys! Be nice!
- “We are” is typically what I hear. I guess when you’re under 3 running the baby’s foot over with a wooden truck is nice.
What things do you find yourself saying as a parent that make you wonder why you bother to say it at all?