Runaway October

Evar!

Isn’t he the cutest sewing buddy to have? He pre-chews everything for me. Yum!

What is your ideal age?

For what? Cheese? Myself? I dunno. Really age is just a number - life is more about reaching a certain point of wisdom and common sense before you get old and crotchity. Seriously. There’s a point where the rise of one meets the fall of the other and I never want to go past it.

What is your best excuse for being late?

I usually blame it on Matt. He’s horrible with times. I swear it takes him twice as long to shower and the hair on his head is only inches long. It takes a good five minutes just to detangle my mane. If I don’t blame it on Matt I usually use the kids or traffic. Pretty unoriginal.

If you had to give yourself a nickname what would it be?

I dunno. I’d want a cool one. I once thought about ‘Z’, but I wouldn’t want to go to Canada and be called Zed. That’s the old wizard from The Sword of Truth series.

You have accomplished a difficult task and hear someone else taking the credit. How do you deal with the situation?

Truthfully it depends on the task. If Matt claims to fold those previously mentioned 17 loads of laundry… oh well. Actually, it depends on how much of a brat I feel like being. If it’s not something huge like inventing a pollution-free renewable power source then there’s really not much to fight about.

If you had to marry someone that you presently know unromantically, and spend the rest of your life as their spouse, who would you choose?

Can it be a girl, because I would so marry Nicky. Period. She completes me.

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living now?

Absolutely. I’d only have one year to make to huge impression on my children and family. I’d need to become the persons that I want them to become, but I’d have to do it almost overnight. I’d need to make financial changes as well, so no one is strapped with my debt after I’m gone. I have a long list of things I’d like to do before shuffling off this mortal coil, but these two things come first.

"Phew!" with a dramatic swipe across his forehead.

I’ve actually been pretty busy of late. Remember those 17 loads of laundry stuffed on the couch that I mentioned? ALL folded, hung, sorted, organized and put away!! After 3 weeks it was hard to come up with excuses for why it was still there. But I’ve also completed 2 more aprons - one for Grandma Betty’s birthday, along with matching placemats and one for Nicky’s birthday. I finally got a new ironing board cover made. It’s super simple but took a day because of the nooblets… I mean the kidlets. (Does anyone remember Sixlets? Those were awesome!) I started a third apron for Ann today. Next up is my bag for the Market Tote Swap. I have the idea all worked out in my head, I just hope I can transfer it to reality easily.

So after all that’s done I’m going to start working on some smocking and shirring and posting items to my Etsy shop. I promise. No more swaps or birthdays and whatnot. I’ve found some gorgeous designer prints mixed in with the cheapy cottons at JoAnns and have totally scored bolts of them with 50% off coupons. I’m afraid to cut some of them up.

I’ve also been comtemplating getting a cottage license to sell the aprons that I’ve been making. The thing is it’s $100 for a year but I’m not sure if I could cover the cost with any profit I make, ya know? The license gives me the right to make and sell anything by Sew Liberated, formally Montessori by Hand, where as now I can only make and give such as all that I’ve made so far. It takes me about a week of fiddling to make an apron because of… interuptions. The hardest part is choosing the fabrics - I always worry that someone will get their apron and go "WTH was she thinking? This isn’t me at all!" I’m debating on just going it alone, or using someone else’s patterns. Any thoughts?

Here’s Grandma’s Apron. The reverse is a very pretty white Poppy print.

I read alot of blogs. Alot. I think there’s over 100 in my RSS reader last time I checked. Most of them I just scroll through unless something catches my eye, except for the crafty ones that have to do with family, kids and such. I’m in love with the ideal that they portray - happy little families who eat organically, spend their nights playing board games in an immaculate and organized house and mom still has time to whip out beautifully crafted projects every day.

I think it all contributes to how shitty I’ve felt about myself lately. I always thought that being a stay at home mom would the the be-all-end-all, but it’s really just a facade for hell. The day I quit my job was the day I turned into everyone’s bitch. All day long people demand things from me:

• If they’re under 1 year demands are communicated in ear-shattering, heart-wrenching squalls.
• Between 2 and 18 demands are produced in the form of nerve-grinding whines at the most inoppurtune times.
• Over 18 and demands are best disguised as guilt or worded in such as way that they make me feel like a total failure for not anticipating the demand sooner. 

I thought everything would be perfect and it’s not even close. There’s a least 10 loads of laundry stuffed on the couch that I have no intention of folding. My mom or Declan is more likely to fold it than Matt is. I’ve managed two dinners this week, burnt one and have no plans for anything tonight. Mom is wanting me to start feeding Rowan solid food but I know that just translates into more work for me because Matt has never fed Rowan once. I keep getting told that I’m not challenging Declan enough but I can barely keep the kids in dry pants and full bellies. To get time to do some sewing basically means that I put the babygate up in the kitchen and ignore everything. I’m so so slow that everything takes forever, If I rush stuff well… the quality goes down.

I have no friends, other than long distance or internet ones. I don’t know where I’m even going with this. I need a vacation, but I don’t think I could leave the kids. Nor do I want to, I just want to stop being the 24/7 mom for awhile. But there’s millions of moms in the world and they all seem to be fine. What’s wrong with me? I’m I just super lazy? Do I have to be willing to just shut my brain, hopes, wants and personality off for good (because heaven knows the older little boys get the more they demand)? What happened to Me? When did it become a requirement that I’m no longer considered a person, just because I have children? I feel like a servant and a poorly treated one at that.

Well, I’ve already sent a not so nice email to Matt so I guess I might as well post this too. I’m done wallowing, maybe.

I need to get my thyroid checked.