Hey! Thanks for stopping by. If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

Marie over at Trail Mix did a rewrite of the infamous “Good Wife’s Guide”. She did a great job making it more “home maker” friendly and up to date. Unfortunately, it just shows how far I am from having a perfect house. So I thought I’d rewrite her rewrite, for entertaiment purposes.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead. Once-a-month cooking, and planning your menus in advance can really help make this easier. He’ll appreciate it, the kids will appreciate it, and you’ll have one less thing to worry about. Try to have his favorites as often as possible and you’ll [have] him bragging you up to all of his friends.
  • Plan out menus ahead of time, making sure to include lots of scrumptious choices. Buy mostly everything you need, forgetting only the important ingredients. Forget to defrost anything. Make excuses and whip together some Hamburger Helper.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. If your husband works in an office and you’re at home, be very aware that women who work with him dress ‘for the office’ with nice shoes, skirts, make-up, and nice hair. Make sure that what he comes home to looks just as good. (I got this advice from a pastor’s wife)
  • Try to shower weekly. Be very aware that women who work with him dress “for the office”. Let this effect your self-esteem and become convinced that you’ll always look like a water-buffalo for the rest of your life.
• Try to talk about something more than Johnny’s potty at supper. Engage in intelligent, interesting conversation with him. Make sure he’s happy to be at home with you. Read interesting blogs and sites so that you have things to talk about.
  • Read blogs that interest you and stop your brain from disintegrating. Try to share your interests with your husband. Realize that he’s not listening and change the subject back to him. Appear to understand when he talks about Distributions, Emulations, and package Updates.
• Clear away clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
  • Try to make it to the front door when he gets home without tripping and sending the already screaming baby flying.
• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dust cloth over the tables. The last thing anyone wants to see when they walk in the door is clutter, mess and dirt.
  • Shove everything in the closet or garage. He never goes into them anyway.
• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will give you immense personal satisfaction. (I’m not even touching that. As sexist as that might sound, most people who choose to be at home full-time, as their chosen profession, really do gain personal satisfaction from making loved ones feel cared for.)
  • Find a YouTube of a burning log fire and set it as your screensaver. Maybe he’ll notice.
• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
  • Get children dressed for the first time that day. Diapers/underpants at least.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Again, the last thing anyone wants is chaos when they enter the house. Extend this principle to times when anyone enters the house. (Gryphon says that he’s happy with hugs and kisses and then “Just let me catch my breath before supper.”)
  • Ask the kids to bring things to a dull roar. Pull ear buds out of your ears, you should be able to hear him speak now.
• Be happy to see him.
  • You really are happy to see another adult in KiddyWorld.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. The truth is, a happy, content husband, who knows that you’re committed to his happiness, is more likely to do the things you want.
  • A happy, content husband means you’re overstressed and doing the work of two people. This will cause you to be committed.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Trust me, there are women who would gladly let him vent about his day over a nice, quiet glass of wine, and they’ll pat his hand and sympathize about how you just don’t listen. Don’t let that look like an appealing option for him.
  • Don’t bother telling him those important things. He’ll just forget and it’ll end up being your fault.
• Make the evening a pleasant time for family and then for each other. Reconnect after being apart. If you have certain rituals at meal time, your children will remember them and copy someday. My mother always set the table properly no matter what we were eating. Today I still love cloth napkins and tablecloths.
  • I can’t even touch this one. If it was easy to turn a choatic day into a peaceful night I’d do it. Alas, chaos reigns supreme.
• Your goal: try to make your home a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
  • Good Goal. Unattainable, but good.
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. There’s a time for that, but not when he first walks in the door.
  • The time for that is in your head. If you actually voice your complaints and problems they’ll get laughed off as jokes.
• Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner once in a while, but you’re a fool not to question if it happens often.
  • You know that if you actually get dinner done and on time he’ll be late. Without fail.
• Be a partner. Not a nag, not a doormat, not his boss. Remember that men view our friendly reminders as criticism, and they don’t usually deal well with that. Boost him up, compliment him, make sure he knows that he’s your personal hero, your knight in shining armor, and the only man you want.
  • A partnership works both ways. Might as well be a doormat or a nag because the only boosting you’ll get is from your bra and compliments come from your mom.
• A good wife knows her role in the marriage and family and how important she is to her husband and children. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and works hard to always improve herself.
  • A good wife knows that she is important because were she to stop working 24/7 the house would catch fire, the kids would starve and the husband would never be to work on time.

I would love to be the “good” wife. First I’d have to get married, then I’d need to hire a maid, nanny and cook. Those are my first two goals.

What do you think?